Don’t apologize for your Wedding

Over the course of my 16 month engagement, two of my bridesmaids and several close friends have become engaged (Yay weddings!).  One thing that I have found disheartening, however, is the frequency with which my friends apologize for their weddings.  My crafty, creative pulling-it-together-on-a-budget friends feel the need to apologize for their “simple, causal, thrown together affair.”   Similarly, my friends who are hiring a professional D.J. and wedding coordinator feel the need to apologize for spending the money and getting help.

Since when did we need to apologize for creating a wedding that fits our unique styles, abilities, and budgets?

1.  Please don’t apologize for a DIY wedding.    

When my friend Jenna gave me her wedding invitation, she did so with an impromptu apology: “Oh, we just did the simple/at home/printed them ourselves/pretty causal invite.  And, I hand tied a ribbon to each one.”

Excuse me?  Not only do her invites look incredibly sweet (linen paper and elegant script), but she hand-tied a ribbon. To each one.  I mean, I should apologize that I had to tape it on my refrigerator… 

DIY Wedding Invitations

DIY Wedding Invitations via WeddingBee

Let’s not be afraid to take on a wedding task.  I do think that wedding vendors are great for a lot of things.  But let’s not forget that just because the word ‘wedding’ has been added to the equation, it doesn’t mean that we’ve lost all the super-awesome talents we use everyday.  So all my graphic designing, Pinterest loving friends? Consider this your chance to rock out those DIY Wedding invites.  Or consider making your own cake or dessert table.  Or how about brewing your own beer?

Please don’t apologize because your wedding is a labor of love.  I promise that your guests will be happy to celebrate with you regardless of who made your invitations or if you have a couture wedding cake.  (And, if they aren’t, perhaps you should reconsider the wedding guest list…)

Now, that said,

2.  Please don’t apologize because you hired professionals for your wedding. 

Learning this was hard for me.  At first I didn’t want to tell my friends that I had hired a month-of-coordinator, or that I was (gasp!) having someone design our invitations.   As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not crafty.  I didn’t major in theater, I majored in political science & economics.  It’s easier for me to take on a part-time job at the library and pay for someone to design my invitations then it is for me to attempt to do the same.  

The Wedding Planner

Hiring help can be a good thing :).

So, all my biology-majoring, professionally busy friends?  Realize that doing everything yourself doesn’t make you a more authentic person, and it doesn’t give your wedding more meaning.   Your wedding has meaning because of the love between you and your partner and the shared joy of your community.  Everything else – the logistics, the aesthetics, the details – really are just that: details.  Regardless of how you choose to do them (or have someone else do them!) it will not change the meaning of your wedding. 

What do you think? Have you ever felt the need to apologize for your DIY-projects or choosing to hire professionals?


5 thoughts on “Don’t apologize for your Wedding

  1. Love this! Something important for us all to keep in mind. I think it is all too easy to worry about pleasing everyone and what people will think, and forget to make the choices that will make a wedding as meaningful and good for *you* as possible. It sounds like you have a great perspective on all this 🙂

  2. I agree – even with well meaning friends, it is hard to realize that sometimes you still feel the need to justify your choices. It only took 16 months of engagement to be able to realize that my wedding wasn’t less “me” because I asked for help, instead of trying to do things myself (that I don’t even enjoy!). PS If you are in law finals now as well, good luck!

  3. Pingback: Expectations about wedding(s): past and present « thelissachronicles

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